


To: Ethan, From: Tyler

by Blepbean



Series: Last Notes [3]
Category: Tythan - Fandom
Genre: Angst, Insecurity, M/M, Suicide Notes, im sowwy, wow I need to stop doing so much angst, wowie
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-22
Updated: 2018-02-22
Packaged: 2019-03-22 13:12:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 897
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13764897
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Blepbean/pseuds/Blepbean
Summary: Ethan was the last one that taught Tyler how to love, yet he toyed with his heart





	To: Ethan, From: Tyler

**Author's Note:**

> i procrastinated on my 'the poison people called love' to do this, since ya know... I was kind of stuck on how to write, I am writing it bit by bit, but hey im back with more angst wowie im sorry ;w;  
> feedback, comments and kudos are always appreciated <3 ty

To Ethan  
Hey, Ethan, it’s me. _Don’t you remember me?_  
You probably don’t remember me, it was my fault though.  
_I don’t blame you, everything is my fault._  
When the accident happened I swear my heart dropped, my hopes, like my life just dropped…  
There was so much I wanted to tell you, Ethan, I want to muster all my courage…  
_But I can’t…_  
I have held so many secrets to my own, my feelings deep down. Because I cannot even trust my own feelings, it had put other people’s lives into danger.  
I just can’t tell myself to move on, move on from my feelings, move on from… everything.  


Cause I’ve hurt so many people over the past, and I have been hurt by people so many times before, and I have gotten used to it… _And I fucking hate it_  
On how they can just leave me just that, or that I can’t apologize for the actions that I did… I’m an idiot, and I know.  
When I said I would give myself 1 more chance, 1 more chance for myself. As I laid my eyes on you there were so much unsaid words, I can still remember your hands against mine as you nearly tripped, or how my heart was beating faster than that time I ran for 10 miles.  
_You fixed me, yet you broke me_  
You gave me restless nights, dried tears, a broken heart. Because you don’t want me, Ethan. I was too dumb to tell you how fucked up I am, my feelings for you were high, but I was too scared to tell you anything.  
_I don’t want to hurt you, or to be hurt by you_  
Cause I’m so tired of being hurt, rejected, left behind in the dark when they said “I love you.  


I’m slowly hating the world, slowly hating everyone, slowly seeing all the colours from the world fade away.  
When you asked me am I fine, I simply answered with a smile as I hid everything with a simple smile.  
“Tyler you Okay?” No, you drive me insane.  
“You look tired.” I’m tired of everything Ethan.  
“You sure you’re Okay?”  
That’s what it all took to push me over the edge, as I yelled at you “SHUT UP”.  
And then the car crash, all of my thoughts, anger, pain, sadness spilled onto those two words.  
_The two words that almost caused your life_  
I was so stupid to let my feelings, emotions get in my way.  
I’m sorry, I’m sorry for existing, sorry for what I did.  
_Even your girlfriend hates me_  
I remember sitting in the dark, empty bedroom. When the words that she said rung in my head.  
“You better burn in hell, don’t come near him ever again.”  
I laughed at that sentence, I know I’m not good for him, I know he’s not good for me. I ruin everyone I become in love with, _like a curse_  
I cannot bear to see something that I have caused, I can’t face my consequences, because I don’t want to face the fact that I’m the problem.  
I’m the storm that caused the chaos, I’m the one responsible for everything.  
And I know that I need to own up with my actions, that I need to stop being such a fucking coward.  
_But I can’t_  


And I’m also a faggot, right? I remember you saying to me those exact words when I almost confessed to you when I finally had the courage to do it. And then you played with my heart like a toy.  
“Faggot”  
I simply said “Just kidding” while I laughed off the pain, the blade that twisted around my heart, it fucking hurts Ethan, do you know how it feels like? To not know even your own feelings? To be afraid to not move on?  
I hate you Ethan, no. I hate myself  
I’m the one that got stuck in this mess, It’s all my fault that I fell in love with your adorable face of yours. I’m the one that made my heart flutter when I’m around you.  
But it’s done, I ruined your life, I ruined everyone’s life. Everyone stopped talking to me and I’m too scared to walk out of my house, when I could fall apart any minute.  
Because I’m so, so broken Ethan. And you didn’t care at all, you simply toyed with my broken heart which is held together with duct tape and fake smiles.  
I should probably disappear, no one would care right?  
No one would care if the faggot would disappear  
Everyone cared, _no one of you cared enough…_  
I don’t blame you, even I didn’t care enough for myself.  
But I don’t blame you, Ethan, you were the last person that taught me how to love once more, you were the last person that I fell in love with.  
_My heart still aches for you_  
You’re still that cute boy that I fell in love with, you’re still the one cute boy that I fell in love with.  
I’m sorry for everything, sorry for being an idiot, sorry for everything.  
I don’t think I can live with these feelings that’s toying with me, with my broken heart.  
I’m sorry  


From Tyler  
I don’t hate you… I hate myself for catching these feelings for you when I knew what will happen

**Author's Note:**

> lowkey cried inside when writing this, im sowwy


End file.
